A recent article from an autistic mother writing for SBS is a timely reminder for us all to take a look at how we speak to people with disabilities.

Noor Abdul is a freelance writer and said in the article she uses person-first identification to name who she is: To claim who she is.

She claims herself as autistic.

“I am autistic. My daughter is autistic. It’s not something we can switch off and on at will,” Noor says.

“It’s the lens through which we view and interact with the world.

“We are enough as we are.

“We are disabled, albeit invisibly, and worthy of support. Disability isn’t a bad word.”

The language we use to address or describe someone living with a disability can be very powerful.

It’s a topic Developing Australian Communities (DAC) co-founder River Night is very passionate about.

Mr Night has had decades of experience in the disability and mental health sector, both personally and professionally, and has made it his mission to help educate the community about the language used to address those living with a disability.

He can often be heard on national radio shows, helping guide listeners through, what he has described, as awkward encounters that don’t have to be awkward at all.

Mr Night said if you’re not sure of the correct way to talk to someone with a disability it can often come across as unintentionally offensive.

With more than half of Australians over the age of 65 and 15% of the world’s population living with a disability, it’s important to remember that these people are just that – people.

“There are so many people in the community that have disabilities but they own their own homes, pay their taxes – but they are just people, making the most of their life” he said.

Mr Night said always put the person before the disability.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of coming straight out and asking them how they want to be addressed. Some people prefer to be called “autistic” while others prefer “someone living with autism”.

“A person who uses a wheelchair is not someone who is wheelchair-bound. That sounds negative,” he said.

“It’s important to remember these people are people too – with feelings that matter.”

Mr Night said while the younger generation seems more adept and accepting of people living with disabilities, we, as a community, need to work on talking about things in a different way.

“”DAC research shows three-quarters of the younger set are comfortable talking to and about people with disabilities – perhaps because they have had more exposure,” he said.

“Older Australians have had a more culturally and generationally different lifestyle and they are slowly learning a different way to communicate and talk about things.”

Noor said, in her powerful SBS story, it took her a while to relax into her daughter’s diagnosis.

“After receiving my daughter’s autism diagnosis at her paediatrician’s office, my husband and I were relieved,’ she wrote.

“After I shared my daughter’s diagnosis with her kind Montessori principal, she asked me, “Is she getting therapy?”

“The subtext was that my daughter was broken, and therapy could fix her. I was afraid for her future and bought into the fear.

“While my husband worked to pay the bills, I would drive her to occupational therapy, play therapy, swimming class, accompany her anxiously, then drive her home.

“I kept glancing at her in the rear-view mirror while she chatted to me, or happily ate her snack. Was she really doomed if she didn’t go to All The Therapies?

“As I relaxed, she relaxed.

“Over time, it slowly dawned on me. She isn’t a child with autism. I’m not a mother with autism.

“We are autistic. And yes, while neurodiverse-affirming therapies do help us, we are not broken. We are simply different.”

“Saying that I am autistic, ADHD and demand-avoidant rings far truer than describing myself as someone with autism, ADHD and demand avoidance.

“If I was with them, wouldn’t I choose an easier path — by going without them?

“And therein lies the paradox. These lesser understood, lesser loved and appreciated parts of me are as essential as the parts that are more palatable.”

Noor said she hoped to see enough change in her lifetime, for autistic people in all their rich neurodiversity to be seen as inherently worthy human beings.

“I look forward to a day where someone saying ‘I’m autistic’ isn’t received with pity (‘I’m so sorry’) or denial (‘You don’t look autistic’),” she said.

“I hope for a day where it’s received with acceptance and celebration – ‘Cool! What’s your latest interest?’”